Empowering Parents and Professionals

Insights from the Author of Children Today

My friend Karin Sternberg is a wonderful psychologist who just published a tremendous book called “Children Today: An Applied Approach to Child Development through Adolescence”. Karin teaches a child development course at Cornell University and has a lot of wisdom on this important topic. I wanted to shine a spotlight on Karin and her new book so I interviewed her for my newsletter.

SBK:: Why did you write Children Today?

KS: We all have a lot of power to change lives, and more power than we think we do. For example, the child development course I teach at Cornell is very large – it has about 300 students. With so many students, interactions between students and teacher are necessarily limited. When I teach, I try to not only explain the subject matter, but also to inspire students to take pride in their roots and their history, and to never give up when they face challenges. I’m essentially trying to live the message of my book. It can be hard for me to tell if I’m getting through to all those students sitting in the auditorium.

SBK: Can you share any experiences from your classroom?

KS: Yes, absolutely. Recently, for example, a student got in touch with me to share that they had changed their major to child development because of my course, and I had helped them find the profession they really wanted to have.  Every teacher and every parent sometimes wonder whether all their efforts are really worth it, and it is a note like the one I received that reminded me, as notes such as this one remind us all, that yes, the work we do does pay off.  We often just don’t see it.

I also sometimes have Cornell staff sit in on my course to learn more about how to support their own children’s development. One person sent me an email, thanking me for the course, and mentioning that she felt she was now in a much better position to understand her toddler, deal with the daily challenges she faced with her young child, and support his development appropriately.  Again, such small gestures remind not only me, but all of us, that our efforts matter, even when we never hear about the results.

SBK: So what’s your core message?

KS: The crucial message is that we often make a difference in people’s lives without even knowing it – children, for sure, but also other adults--unless, as in this admittedly rare case, they take the time to reach out. Accept such feedback with gratitude, but also reach out when someone has touched your life, as I have many times to those who have helped me become who I am today.

Every single interaction we have with a child (or really, with any human) has the potential to set them on a different trajectory – although we may never know whose life we have changed. 

And that is why I wrote this textbook:  to enable anyone and everyone who reads it to change children’s lives for the better.

SBK: What does the book do to help readers change lives?

KS: It helps anyone reading the book to change lives by translating rigorous theory and research into practice, giving readers immediately tools they can use in their everyday lives. The issues I discuss in Children Today are ones that affect just about anyone having kids or working with kids in today’s world: How do you choose a good preschool, does online schooling work, how do you support your toddler’s memory development, what’s the impact of screen media on teen girls’ body image, how do you deal with online dares? The book also has a milestone table. If you’re a parent, you know how nervous those milestones can make you – and often without reason.  The table also lists red flags you need to watch out for because they might indeed indicate that you should consult with a professional about a child.

SBK: So if parents were to do one thing for their kids, what would it be?

KS: I’d say that the most important thing you can do for a child is help them find their passion. If they have something they feel passionate about, learning won’t feel like work, they’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in what they’re doing, building their self-esteem and skills for their future. That said, finding a passion is not always an easy task.

SBK: Is there anything we learn for ourselves as adults from your book, or for our interactions with adults?

KS: As long as we live, development never ends. Most, if not all of the principles and tools discussed in the book can be applied throughout anyone’s life. For example, excessive screen time can have a negative effect on your mood and cognitive function, no matter whether you’re 10 or 45 years old. Children need to be taught how to treat others with kindness, not to bully others, and how to deal effectively with bullies. But adults have to re-examine their ethical values from time to time as well; they have to deal with unkindness and, at times, to keep their emotions in check when they’re upset.

I like to think of the book as a resource for anyone who’s got kids or works with them. I view it as a kind of reference book that anyone can consult as their children are growing up. It is also a reference for teachers, therapists, and others who work with others' children. Anyone can use it when they are facing different and often difficult issues dealing with the children in their lives. That’s why Children Today is written in a language that’s accessible to those who do not have a background in psychology – because rigorous research and the facts that help us make the world a better place should be accessible to all people.

SBK: So essentially, we keep growing and evolving as a person?

KS: Yes. No matter your age, you continue to grow as a person. At any age, we need to learn how to effectively and productively encounter challenges and surmount them.

And because there are so many little things we can do in our daily lives that can have a massive positive impact on our daily lives, I have compiled a 1-Month Challenge for a Brighter Life consisting of little prompts, tips, and tidbits designed to fill your life with more happiness. The key to happiness lies not so much in our external circumstances as within ourselves and how we respond to external challenges. The 1-Month Challenge is free, and I’d love for you to download it and see if it doesn’t contain a few hidden gems that you’d like to stick with because they make your life better.

SBK: What are you up to next?

KS: The reason why I studied psychology in the first place – and my passion – is to apply psychological research and theories to real life to help people live better and happier lives.

Besides teaching child development, another way I do this is to put relationship research into practice to help people who encounter recurring issues in their relationship, who find themselves caught in unhealthy relationship patterns, or who keep choosing a partner who’s not good for them.

They can turn their relationships around by discovering their unique love stories which influence just about every aspect of their lives. We can uncover dysfunctional aspects of their love story or how their love story is incompatible with that of their partner, and these insights provide the basis for lasting change. Everybody is capable and deserving of a thriving and fulfilling relationship, and I am thrilled to assist people in making fulfilling relationships a reality in their lives. You’re invited to check out my work here.

SBK: Thanks for the interview, Karin!