In the late 1950s, the humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow set out to study the people he thought were doing the most fully human version of being human. He wasn’t looking for the happiest, the most successful, the most accomplished, or the most visible person. He was looking for what he eventually called the “self-actualizing person.”
He cataloged what he found. Sixteen characteristics, more or less, depending on which paper you read. Some are familiar from the textbooks. A clear and accurate perception of reality. Acceptance of self and others. Spontaneity. Creativeness. In 2018, I published an update in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology called “Self-Actualizing People in the 21st Century,” where I found that 10 of the sixteen characteristics that Maslow proposed held up under the scrutiny of the modern scientific method.
But buried in his 1962 book Toward a Psychology of Being, and again in the 1971 posthumous Farther Reaches of Human Nature, there is an observation that should have changed how an entire era understood human flourishing. It didn’t.
Maslow’s self-actualizing people, he wrote, had a strong “need for privacy and detachment.” They preferred solitude to crowds. They were comfortable being alone in a way that the average person was not. They didn’t need constant social input to know who they were.
While the need for privacy and detachment didn’t survive as its own characteristic in my 2018 update, the closest survivor is what I call “authenticity” — staying true to yourself and your values without being overly shaped by external pressures. Which may be the same thing Maslow was seeing from a different angle: his actualizers didn’t need the crowd’s signal to know who they were. Maybe underneath the solitude — what is not so readily observable — is the authenticity. From the outside, the self-actualizing person may appear “detached” from society, but what is not seen is the vibrant inner life and creative flow that doesn’t depend on visibility for depth.
Which raises a question that has become harder to ask in 2026 than it was the year Maslow first asked it. If connectivity, accomplishment, and visibility aren’t the indicators of an actualized life, then what is?
We have built a culture, and an attention economy, and a series of platforms, around a single confused theory of what the indicator is. We have decided, more or less without arguing about it, that an actualized life shows itself in visibility. In the social network. In how many conversations a person is inside of at any given hour. In how present they are across the dizzying and ever-growing ways of displaying themselves online in public life. The unspoken theory is that depth, if it exists in someone, will radiate outward as connectivity and output. That somehow the deeper the well, the louder the signal.
There is one serious problem with this theory: It isn’t what Maslow found. And it isn’t what every contemplative tradition that predates the attention economy found either. And it isn’t what you find, if you look honestly, in the lives of the people you most respect.
What you find instead is that the connectivity isn’t the signal. In a lot of cases it’s a perfectly competent disguise for the absence of the thing the connectivity is supposed to indicate. Hyper-connectivity is the indicator nobody is reading correctly.
Maslow had a word for the actual indicator: “Being-cognition,” or “B-cognition” for short. It is a kind of perception that doesn’t run every encounter through a strategic filter. You meet a person and you actually meet them. You walk into a room and you’re actually in the room. The sunset on Tuesday evening isn’t reduced to a photo opportunity, or to content, or to a memory filed for some later moment when it might be useful. The sunset is the sunset, and you are there for it.
He contrasted this with “Deficiency-cognition,” or “D-cognition” for short. In the realm of D-cognition, perception is driven by what’s lacking. D-cognition is useful. It runs projects. It accomplishes goals. It scans rooms for opportunities and threats. It is also, Maslow noted, exhausting as a permanent operating system. The people he studied could shift in and out of B-cognition. They didn’t have fewer problems. They had a different relationship with the problems they had.
The real indicator of self-actualization is the capacity for B-cognition — being present in a way that doesn’t require the moment to be on its way to something else. Visibility can't show it. Neither can your output or the size of your network.
You can see why this never became a self-improvement franchise. There is no product to sell. There is no metric to optimize. Instagram and LinkedIn reward visibility and the size of the network, not the depth of one’s soul. There is simply no way to demonstrate, on a feed, that you have a deep relationship with your own inner life. That category doesn’t produce content. The Being-cognition newsletter is the one nobody can write, because the practice is the opposite of the writing.
What strikes me about this moment in particular is how visible the confusion has become. The most successful operators in the contemporary attention economy openly perform the appearance of inner life. Morning walks. Gratitude rituals. “I’ve been thinking about this all week” preambles introducing whatever the person was always going to say.
The performance has gotten so sophisticated that it sometimes looks indistinguishable from the real thing. Except for one detail: It sits inside a frame of constant transmission. The morning walk is content. The gratitude is content. The “I’ve been thinking” is the lead-in to a takeaway. An inner life — the kind Carl Rogers drew in his portrait of the "fully functioning person" in his 1961 book On Becoming a Person, someone open to their own experience rather than performing it, and the kind Maslow also named when he spoke of “openness to experience” — is the part of a person that doesn't need to be transmitted. It is what is happening when no one is watching.
To be clear, I’m not arguing that connectivity is bad. I am very much online myself. But when you go looking for evidence of an actualized life — in yourself, in the people you admire, in the people you might want to learn from — stop using visibility as the proxy. It is the wrong measure.
The right one is harder to see. It shows up in how someone treats the person in front of them when no one is watching the encounter, in whether they can be in the room without managing it, in whether the person can sit comfortably with their daydreams and even enjoy them, and in whether every quiet moment has to become something else, or whether they can just let it be quiet.
The actualized person can be visible but the visible person isn’t always actualized. Sure, the two overlap but they aren’t necessarily in the same category. And confusing them is part of what’s making this era harder than it needs to be.
The indicator is the depth. It always was.
Thank you Dr. Kaufman! As a mostly non-conformist to some evolutions of social media platforms (FB, Insta, etc) & a decades psychotherapist, the steady-push around social networks can result in a inaccurate, “inadequacy” schema of oneself for those of us that love learning, depth, variety, immersive depth in solitude, in the Presence of Life, humans—all sentience! and disinclined to let everyone know about it or have we are going about our lives organically somehow should be a parallel-process on social media broadcasts… thanks again, validating. 😍
Scott, this is a brilliant piece. You have nailed the link between Maslow's early thoughts on solitude and our need to be authentic today.
I am always looking theough the leadership and community lense.
Getting the right people together for the right conversation to do something meaningful doesn't work if they ignore their own inner lives.
To show up and make a real impact, we must be authentic. As you point out, that takes space and time apart. It also takes courage.
Stepping back to focus on ourselves isn't a retreat from the group. It is the groundwork that lets us connect properly, lead creatively, and bring our most human selves to the table.
Thanks for the reminder to protect the part of us that is actually alive. ⛵️