Resilience for Kids

A chat with clinical psychologist Caren Baruch-Feldman about how to foster resilience in children.

Caren Baruch-Feldman Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and a certified school psychologist. She has authored numerous articles and led workshops on topics such as cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, helping children and adults cope with stress and worry, helping people change, and developing grit, resilience, and self-control. Providing in-services and writing, The Grit Guide for Teens and The Resilience Workbook for Kids are the highlights of Baruch-Feldman’s professional life. She is a Fellow and Supervisor in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

So she is well qualified to discuss how to foster resilience in children!

SBK: Caren, what even is resilience?

CB: Resilience is all about how we handle life's tough moments. It's about the ability to cope effectively when challenged, stressed, or when faced with a setback. You become resilient by “being resilient.”  

Being resilient doesn't mean you don't have setbacks or big emotions, but rather that you face these obstacles head on and cope with them effectively.

SBK: Why is resilience important for kids today?

CB: Children and teens today face a range of unique challenges that include increasing uncertainty, divisiveness, and fragility. These challenges are compounded by a lack of skills to navigate these issues. While this situation isn’t solely the result of the COVID-19 pandemic, the pandemic and the resulting lack of opportunities to practice social skills have made addressing these issues even more crucial. Explicitly teaching resilience skills helps young people cope with the challenges they face now and will possibly face in the future.

SBK: How are you teaching resilience to kids?

CB: We are using The Resilience Workbook for Kids as a framework for our work with 3rd graders, focusing on four key areas to build resilience: emotions, thoughts, behavior, and support. We focus on four key areas to build resilience: emotions, thoughts, behavior, and support. We teach children to understand their positive and negative emotions, recognize and reframe negative thoughts, act bravely, and seek and offer support. Each lesson includes a clear explanation of the concept, numerous examples, engaging videos, practical activities, and a follow-up email for parents. Additionally, we mix up classes so students can connect with different teachers and peers across the grade level, fostering a sense of community that is vital to this work.

SBK: Why did you choose to focus on resilience and why 3rd grade?

CB: Third graders are at an age where they can grasp these concepts, but aren't yet too "cool" for school. We noticed that kids were experiencing stress, whether from family life, testing, or even recess, and recognized that addressing this need was important.

SBK: How does teaching resilience affect kids socially and emotionally?

CB: After learning these skills, we've observed that students are better equipped with the vocabulary to talk about their feelings, solve problems more effectively, and utilize support. They can identify their emotions, recognize when they’re thinking negatively, approach challenges with realistic expectations, and are more willing to take risks. Additionally, they’re more inclined to ask for help and to offer assistance to others. For example, one student approached us after recess and said, “We were making story snakes, and then we decided to focus on the facts and the evidence.”

SBK: Does teaching resilience help students academically?

CB: Yes, we've observed that by teaching students the skills of resilience, they no longer give up as easily when faced with challenges in reading, math, and writing. They now see setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow, which motivates them to persevere even when things get tough. They view 'fail' as the 'first attempt in learning' and are more willing to take on challenging work. This mindset has positively impacted their approach to academics and grades.  

SBK: Was there anything that really resonated with the students?

CB: The students really enjoyed learning about the power of 'yet' and developing a growth mindset. We had them participate in an activity where they imagined themselves in a car full of different emotions, illustrating the power and contagiousness of feelings. Overall, they reported that they loved the videos and fun activities that accompanied the lessons.

SBK: How would we modify the work for older kids?

CB: Older kids would probably be less open to do skits or put themselves out. However, if they could teach younger kids these skills that would be a great way to have them learn them themselves. Buy-in is crucial for older students. Involving them in creating activities that reinforce skills can significantly boost their engagement. 

SBK: How do we get buy-in from teachers and administrators?

CB: At our school, one colleague became a ‘cheerleader’ for how well it worked with her class, which sparked excitement among other teachers to try it after seeing her success. It's beneficial to start small, allowing administrators to see the value of the approach on a smaller scale, which can lead to broader support and permission to expand it further.

SBK: Are there any pitfalls to this work? What doesn't work?

CB: This work requires time and commitment, but the benefits are well worth it. It is using academic time; however, the work is academically rigorous and intellectually challenging. There will be mistakes and 'failures' by the adults along the way, but these are also opportunities to model for students that adults, too, are fallible. These moments can be powerful lessons in resilience and growth.

SBK: Has your own resilience grown as a result of this work?

CB: Yes, I’ve become better at recognizing when I’m creating 'story snakes' and am increasingly comfortable with being uncomfortable. I’m learning to value all my feelings, even the negative ones. I’ve taken on more brave acts, like lifting heavy weights at the gym, and I’ve also improved at asking for help and being more vulnerable overall.

SBK: What advice would we give to school psychologists and teachers interested in this work?

CB: Give it a try! Teaching resilience is important and rewarding work. Connect with your students, trust the process, and be willing to put in the effort—it'll pay off in the end.

For more information, feel free to contact Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman www.drbaruchfeldman.com (She’s happy to share fun activities and videos).