brilliant. for some reason I'm thinking of Mel Robins' "Let Them"...for the HSP, it's more complicated than that, since HSPs might want/need to understand other's reactions in a deeper way rather than mechanically accept them. and arguably the lives of HSPs are rich (not easy!) because they muck in that. and not to mention those with rejection dysphoria, who are wired to have difficulty "letting them."
OMG this!! I was having a similar conversation (more like a one-sided rant) not long ago with a friend who is writing a self-help and asked me to read it for him. I so agree about the neurodivergence, and might even argue that *everyone’s* authentic path, even those of the neurotypical, if authentic, won’t look like anyone else’s. It will be made up of things that make us unique and eccentric.
And this thing you point out, “you take this protocol, you will look like me and be as successful as me— often with the self-help guru held up as the pinnacle of human potential.” This alone makes me so uncomfortable!!
It’s setting up striving for some kind of illusory perfection. Something that isn’t achievable, most likely not even for the gurus themselves, who are projecting an image in order to sell something. What if we left perfection out of it, even found a way to embrace and integrate our imperfections? What if we radically embraced being human and what makes us different?
YES! I love everything about this. And it’s so true. I just don’t connect with so much of the typical self-help! Probably why I’ve always resonated so much with your work.
So true ! Thanks for posting this . All of my life I have felt different , masking well as women do . Partly this was to not stand out and be bullied but part of it was curiosity so that I could understand others . Also so that I could stand up for injustice and prevent bullying . I have gone through life asking “Why ? “ because I needed to know . For example why are people such jerks ? Why are people so damn mean besides the usual generational trauma that can be helped . Well it turns out that the narcissists and psycopaths of the world are very good at understanding and manipulating others . Neurodivergent people don’t work that way . We aren’t built to deliberately learn about and manipulate others for our own good in general . It irritates the heck out of me that neurodivergence is viewed as pathologic when in fact it is natures way of improving humanity . Highly sensitive people are the risk mitigators in the world . Without us there wouldn’t be seatbelts and child care seats . ADHD is an awesome trait for working in acute care like I did . Recognizing visual patterns and asking why is a gift to diagnosing illness . All of these traits are gifts !
My daughter is neurodivergent as well and she is amazing . Society has focussed on her limitations instead of her enormous abilities . I find this is worse in small communities where high school bullies tend to find success . ( just an observation ) I have been one of very few supporters for her . I couldn’t believe the crap she was being told by teachers , principals . A kid that knew every dinosaur and type of mammal in grade 5 and wrote books was considered emotionally immature because she didn’t show interest in boys and wear makeup . WTH !
My daughter and I have learned from each other . As I learned from my father how to cope in a world that views us as weird . Even in our own family . It so helps if you have one person in your family like you , or one friend when you are young like you . There is stuff to learn from some self help books . Some of those authors are neurodivergent themselves . So for me it’s been about finding the right author or counsellor for that matter that gets YOU !
I think we do need to be tolerant of average Joe mentality because we can learn from them too . That’s not meant to be insulting just pragmatic . Often an average Joe or Jolene may be hiding inner talents and we can appeal to that . Feeling special is important to everyone . However they also do need to learn and be taught that they aren’t the only game in town . Tolerance is fundamental right now and unfortunately our world is not very tolerant at the moment . The average bullies are very vocal. We have to take it back and lead others like us and help others discover their hidden neurodivergence and gifts . I believe that we need skills to be able to function in society and communicate well because we have so much to offer society or others like us . However we also have to learn that we are amazing of our own right and find the appropriate boundaries to keep being able to do whatever it is that we do well and celebrate it ! That’s tough right now with the attacks on intellectuals , scientists , artists etc . Let’s stay strong together and help the world learn that neurodiversity is our saviour , not some manipulative narcissist .
Thank you for the perceptive article. As an HSP INFP, I like introvert self-help books for this reason—it's nice to see the introvert perspective being respresented in these books.
Yup. So from the comments so far, I'm thinking I'll look into "switch thinking". But what else have we got folks? I know gratitude helps, and sunshine, the return of migratory birds, but that's just me.
Imagine; humans who mostly accept, encourage and support differences (let’s hope our children are evolving in this direction). Thank you, I’m soothed reading this. What conditions would clear the way for new paths to emerge and be walked safely? A lot less prescriptive neurotypical boring protocols might be a great start - love ya thinking and appreciate you having courage to share. I’m left pondering the paradox of finding resonance, maybe safety in sameness in order to hold and be okay with difference.
We are all different. The quirkier the better I say. What is normal, and who is going to save us? I think a lot of self help books are good , but the older I get I just see babbling on and on it’s a huge money maker. Let’s just accept our selves and others for who we are. The world would be so boring if we were little robots emulating each other.
Very much agree! This world is full of cookie-cutter "solutions" and people telling us to be live everyone else. Not much out there for those of us that are different, including in the self-help world.
Excellent! To me, the other type of writing is just a waste of time for me to read. I know that stuff and it doesn’t help! Most people know that stuff in fact! We’ll said, well written ❤️
brilliant. for some reason I'm thinking of Mel Robins' "Let Them"...for the HSP, it's more complicated than that, since HSPs might want/need to understand other's reactions in a deeper way rather than mechanically accept them. and arguably the lives of HSPs are rich (not easy!) because they muck in that. and not to mention those with rejection dysphoria, who are wired to have difficulty "letting them."
HELL YES, I'm with you! (Said the Highly Highly Sensitive, Solitude-Loving Introvert) And thank you for your work in the world, Scott. 💜
OMG this!! I was having a similar conversation (more like a one-sided rant) not long ago with a friend who is writing a self-help and asked me to read it for him. I so agree about the neurodivergence, and might even argue that *everyone’s* authentic path, even those of the neurotypical, if authentic, won’t look like anyone else’s. It will be made up of things that make us unique and eccentric.
And this thing you point out, “you take this protocol, you will look like me and be as successful as me— often with the self-help guru held up as the pinnacle of human potential.” This alone makes me so uncomfortable!!
It’s setting up striving for some kind of illusory perfection. Something that isn’t achievable, most likely not even for the gurus themselves, who are projecting an image in order to sell something. What if we left perfection out of it, even found a way to embrace and integrate our imperfections? What if we radically embraced being human and what makes us different?
YES! I love everything about this. And it’s so true. I just don’t connect with so much of the typical self-help! Probably why I’ve always resonated so much with your work.
So true ! Thanks for posting this . All of my life I have felt different , masking well as women do . Partly this was to not stand out and be bullied but part of it was curiosity so that I could understand others . Also so that I could stand up for injustice and prevent bullying . I have gone through life asking “Why ? “ because I needed to know . For example why are people such jerks ? Why are people so damn mean besides the usual generational trauma that can be helped . Well it turns out that the narcissists and psycopaths of the world are very good at understanding and manipulating others . Neurodivergent people don’t work that way . We aren’t built to deliberately learn about and manipulate others for our own good in general . It irritates the heck out of me that neurodivergence is viewed as pathologic when in fact it is natures way of improving humanity . Highly sensitive people are the risk mitigators in the world . Without us there wouldn’t be seatbelts and child care seats . ADHD is an awesome trait for working in acute care like I did . Recognizing visual patterns and asking why is a gift to diagnosing illness . All of these traits are gifts !
My daughter is neurodivergent as well and she is amazing . Society has focussed on her limitations instead of her enormous abilities . I find this is worse in small communities where high school bullies tend to find success . ( just an observation ) I have been one of very few supporters for her . I couldn’t believe the crap she was being told by teachers , principals . A kid that knew every dinosaur and type of mammal in grade 5 and wrote books was considered emotionally immature because she didn’t show interest in boys and wear makeup . WTH !
My daughter and I have learned from each other . As I learned from my father how to cope in a world that views us as weird . Even in our own family . It so helps if you have one person in your family like you , or one friend when you are young like you . There is stuff to learn from some self help books . Some of those authors are neurodivergent themselves . So for me it’s been about finding the right author or counsellor for that matter that gets YOU !
I think we do need to be tolerant of average Joe mentality because we can learn from them too . That’s not meant to be insulting just pragmatic . Often an average Joe or Jolene may be hiding inner talents and we can appeal to that . Feeling special is important to everyone . However they also do need to learn and be taught that they aren’t the only game in town . Tolerance is fundamental right now and unfortunately our world is not very tolerant at the moment . The average bullies are very vocal. We have to take it back and lead others like us and help others discover their hidden neurodivergence and gifts . I believe that we need skills to be able to function in society and communicate well because we have so much to offer society or others like us . However we also have to learn that we are amazing of our own right and find the appropriate boundaries to keep being able to do whatever it is that we do well and celebrate it ! That’s tough right now with the attacks on intellectuals , scientists , artists etc . Let’s stay strong together and help the world learn that neurodiversity is our saviour , not some manipulative narcissist .
Just my thoughts ♥️
Thank you, Scott! Genius idea.
Thank you for the perceptive article. As an HSP INFP, I like introvert self-help books for this reason—it's nice to see the introvert perspective being respresented in these books.
Yup. So from the comments so far, I'm thinking I'll look into "switch thinking". But what else have we got folks? I know gratitude helps, and sunshine, the return of migratory birds, but that's just me.
Imagine; humans who mostly accept, encourage and support differences (let’s hope our children are evolving in this direction). Thank you, I’m soothed reading this. What conditions would clear the way for new paths to emerge and be walked safely? A lot less prescriptive neurotypical boring protocols might be a great start - love ya thinking and appreciate you having courage to share. I’m left pondering the paradox of finding resonance, maybe safety in sameness in order to hold and be okay with difference.
I agree, my daughter who has a beautiful ADHD mind finds my Switch Thinking approach helpful. This might also help other neurodiverse people?
We are all different. The quirkier the better I say. What is normal, and who is going to save us? I think a lot of self help books are good , but the older I get I just see babbling on and on it’s a huge money maker. Let’s just accept our selves and others for who we are. The world would be so boring if we were little robots emulating each other.
yes yes yes yes yes etc
Very much agree! This world is full of cookie-cutter "solutions" and people telling us to be live everyone else. Not much out there for those of us that are different, including in the self-help world.
100% agree! Also, thank you for the great work that you do for all of us, Scott.
Best tag line ever, thank you for saying it!
Excellent! To me, the other type of writing is just a waste of time for me to read. I know that stuff and it doesn’t help! Most people know that stuff in fact! We’ll said, well written ❤️