OMG this!! I was having a similar conversation (more like a one-sided rant) not long ago with a friend who is writing a self-help and asked me to read it for him. I so agree about the neurodivergence, and might even argue that *everyone’s* authentic path, even those of the neurotypical, if authentic, won’t look like anyone else’s. It will be made up of things that make us unique and eccentric.
And this thing you point out, “you take this protocol, you will look like me and be as successful as me— often with the self-help guru held up as the pinnacle of human potential.” This alone makes me so uncomfortable!!
It’s setting up striving for some kind of illusory perfection. Something that isn’t achievable, most likely not even for the gurus themselves, who are projecting an image in order to sell something. What if we left perfection out of it, even found a way to embrace and integrate our imperfections? What if we radically embraced being human and what makes us different?
Totally agree. Occasionally I scroll through LinkedIn and I yawn. I see so many glossy, confident people sharing very mundane and obvious tools to show themselves as the best or the smartest in the industry. I sometimes wonder if climbing to the top of a corporate ladder simply requires a person to be "typical", "usual" or "acceptable" and to be able to state the obvious many times over in a social media video - so long as you're wearing a smart outfit and you speak with a lot of authority.
I couldn't agree more and I thank you for making me smile today.
My best self-help ever came from Diploma Duck on youtube, who explained AuDHD and I realized that FINALLY someone got me-- and summed it up in 5 words: "two ducks in one brain." Chaos and calm. Fog and fire. Who knew?
I'm no guru, but I am a coach who has come to realize that there's no certification for the one thing that helps each of us to coach ourselves best: ENCOURAGEMENT to reassure one another that you CAN'T get it "wrong". Do YOU as you're led from within and encourage others to do the same, with less emphasis on what that "looks" like.
Completely agree, thank you Scott. Especially since those "generic" self-help can even be harmful for people who don't "fit it". I recognize myself there: for years I have read all kinds of books, tried all types of methods and feeling even more inadequate as a result when it did not seem to work, thinking that "I was the problem" (highly sensitive introvert here). It feels liberating to acknowledge that "No, there is no one size fits all model that applies to all".
YES! I love everything about this. And it’s so true. I just don’t connect with so much of the typical self-help! Probably why I’ve always resonated so much with your work.
Thanks again Scott! Including everyone as they are has always been my ame. But inside my self there has been too much struggle accepting and foremost appreciating my way, my genuinity and pick up strength from this. I get lost in this stressful world sometimes and more energy and clarity about acceptance of our diverse ways would make me much stronger and more determined to follow my own path! I appreciate your anger here!!
Yes! There is a need. There are some articles starting drizzle through on neurodiversity however the self help guides are needed and acceptance that the journey looks and feels different for different people. It’s however currently at the leading edge of cultural change and there is still bias for example in employment sector and that makes it tricky. Lots of masking going on and good reasons for it. Good conversation to have. 👍
As an HSP, Introvert and Empath and having lived with neurodivergent people I feel most children and adults can improve the quality of life and self-growth with tailored Social Emotional Learning (SEL), focusing on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, self-regulation, managing sensory and nervous system overload, self-compassion, active listening and advocacy rather than forcing neurotypical social conformity, ultimately boosting confidence, clarity, courage in relationships, and independence. There are a few groups and articles if you Google. https://www.neurodiversityhub.org/,
So true ! Thanks for posting this . All of my life I have felt different , masking well as women do . Partly this was to not stand out and be bullied but part of it was curiosity so that I could understand others . Also so that I could stand up for injustice and prevent bullying . I have gone through life asking “Why ? “ because I needed to know . For example why are people such jerks ? Why are people so damn mean besides the usual generational trauma that can be helped . Well it turns out that the narcissists and psycopaths of the world are very good at understanding and manipulating others . Neurodivergent people don’t work that way . We aren’t built to deliberately learn about and manipulate others for our own good in general . It irritates the heck out of me that neurodivergence is viewed as pathologic when in fact it is natures way of improving humanity . Highly sensitive people are the risk mitigators in the world . Without us there wouldn’t be seatbelts and child care seats . ADHD is an awesome trait for working in acute care like I did . Recognizing visual patterns and asking why is a gift to diagnosing illness . All of these traits are gifts !
My daughter is neurodivergent as well and she is amazing . Society has focussed on her limitations instead of her enormous abilities . I find this is worse in small communities where high school bullies tend to find success . ( just an observation ) I have been one of very few supporters for her . I couldn’t believe the crap she was being told by teachers , principals . A kid that knew every dinosaur and type of mammal in grade 5 and wrote books was considered emotionally immature because she didn’t show interest in boys and wear makeup . WTH !
My daughter and I have learned from each other . As I learned from my father how to cope in a world that views us as weird . Even in our own family . It so helps if you have one person in your family like you , or one friend when you are young like you . There is stuff to learn from some self help books . Some of those authors are neurodivergent themselves . So for me it’s been about finding the right author or counsellor for that matter that gets YOU !
I think we do need to be tolerant of average Joe mentality because we can learn from them too . That’s not meant to be insulting just pragmatic . Often an average Joe or Jolene may be hiding inner talents and we can appeal to that . Feeling special is important to everyone . However they also do need to learn and be taught that they aren’t the only game in town . Tolerance is fundamental right now and unfortunately our world is not very tolerant at the moment . The average bullies are very vocal. We have to take it back and lead others like us and help others discover their hidden neurodivergence and gifts . I believe that we need skills to be able to function in society and communicate well because we have so much to offer society or others like us . However we also have to learn that we are amazing of our own right and find the appropriate boundaries to keep being able to do whatever it is that we do well and celebrate it ! That’s tough right now with the attacks on intellectuals , scientists , artists etc . Let’s stay strong together and help the world learn that neurodiversity is our saviour , not some manipulative narcissist .
Thank you for the perceptive article. As an HSP INFP, I like introvert self-help books for this reason—it's nice to see the introvert perspective being respresented in these books.
Imagine; humans who mostly accept, encourage and support differences (let’s hope our children are evolving in this direction). Thank you, I’m soothed reading this. What conditions would clear the way for new paths to emerge and be walked safely? A lot less prescriptive neurotypical boring protocols might be a great start - love ya thinking and appreciate you having courage to share. I’m left pondering the paradox of finding resonance, maybe safety in sameness in order to hold and be okay with difference.
James Kustow - how to thrive with ADHD is one doctor in the UK trying to help people with this. I agree though Scott your book was very vanilla ;) just kidding! 😁 I think it's a good idea and topic you are referring to here!
HELL YES, I'm with you! (Said the Highly Highly Sensitive, Solitude-Loving Introvert) And thank you for your work in the world, Scott. 💜
OMG this!! I was having a similar conversation (more like a one-sided rant) not long ago with a friend who is writing a self-help and asked me to read it for him. I so agree about the neurodivergence, and might even argue that *everyone’s* authentic path, even those of the neurotypical, if authentic, won’t look like anyone else’s. It will be made up of things that make us unique and eccentric.
And this thing you point out, “you take this protocol, you will look like me and be as successful as me— often with the self-help guru held up as the pinnacle of human potential.” This alone makes me so uncomfortable!!
It’s setting up striving for some kind of illusory perfection. Something that isn’t achievable, most likely not even for the gurus themselves, who are projecting an image in order to sell something. What if we left perfection out of it, even found a way to embrace and integrate our imperfections? What if we radically embraced being human and what makes us different?
Totally agree. Occasionally I scroll through LinkedIn and I yawn. I see so many glossy, confident people sharing very mundane and obvious tools to show themselves as the best or the smartest in the industry. I sometimes wonder if climbing to the top of a corporate ladder simply requires a person to be "typical", "usual" or "acceptable" and to be able to state the obvious many times over in a social media video - so long as you're wearing a smart outfit and you speak with a lot of authority.
I couldn't agree more and I thank you for making me smile today.
My best self-help ever came from Diploma Duck on youtube, who explained AuDHD and I realized that FINALLY someone got me-- and summed it up in 5 words: "two ducks in one brain." Chaos and calm. Fog and fire. Who knew?
I'm no guru, but I am a coach who has come to realize that there's no certification for the one thing that helps each of us to coach ourselves best: ENCOURAGEMENT to reassure one another that you CAN'T get it "wrong". Do YOU as you're led from within and encourage others to do the same, with less emphasis on what that "looks" like.
Completely agree, thank you Scott. Especially since those "generic" self-help can even be harmful for people who don't "fit it". I recognize myself there: for years I have read all kinds of books, tried all types of methods and feeling even more inadequate as a result when it did not seem to work, thinking that "I was the problem" (highly sensitive introvert here). It feels liberating to acknowledge that "No, there is no one size fits all model that applies to all".
YES! I love everything about this. And it’s so true. I just don’t connect with so much of the typical self-help! Probably why I’ve always resonated so much with your work.
Heard! People don’t fit neatly into “boxes”
Thanks again Scott! Including everyone as they are has always been my ame. But inside my self there has been too much struggle accepting and foremost appreciating my way, my genuinity and pick up strength from this. I get lost in this stressful world sometimes and more energy and clarity about acceptance of our diverse ways would make me much stronger and more determined to follow my own path! I appreciate your anger here!!
Yes! There is a need. There are some articles starting drizzle through on neurodiversity however the self help guides are needed and acceptance that the journey looks and feels different for different people. It’s however currently at the leading edge of cultural change and there is still bias for example in employment sector and that makes it tricky. Lots of masking going on and good reasons for it. Good conversation to have. 👍
As an HSP, Introvert and Empath and having lived with neurodivergent people I feel most children and adults can improve the quality of life and self-growth with tailored Social Emotional Learning (SEL), focusing on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, self-regulation, managing sensory and nervous system overload, self-compassion, active listening and advocacy rather than forcing neurotypical social conformity, ultimately boosting confidence, clarity, courage in relationships, and independence. There are a few groups and articles if you Google. https://www.neurodiversityhub.org/,
https://www.s4nd.org/,
https://neurodivergentinsights.com/
Best wishes.
So true ! Thanks for posting this . All of my life I have felt different , masking well as women do . Partly this was to not stand out and be bullied but part of it was curiosity so that I could understand others . Also so that I could stand up for injustice and prevent bullying . I have gone through life asking “Why ? “ because I needed to know . For example why are people such jerks ? Why are people so damn mean besides the usual generational trauma that can be helped . Well it turns out that the narcissists and psycopaths of the world are very good at understanding and manipulating others . Neurodivergent people don’t work that way . We aren’t built to deliberately learn about and manipulate others for our own good in general . It irritates the heck out of me that neurodivergence is viewed as pathologic when in fact it is natures way of improving humanity . Highly sensitive people are the risk mitigators in the world . Without us there wouldn’t be seatbelts and child care seats . ADHD is an awesome trait for working in acute care like I did . Recognizing visual patterns and asking why is a gift to diagnosing illness . All of these traits are gifts !
My daughter is neurodivergent as well and she is amazing . Society has focussed on her limitations instead of her enormous abilities . I find this is worse in small communities where high school bullies tend to find success . ( just an observation ) I have been one of very few supporters for her . I couldn’t believe the crap she was being told by teachers , principals . A kid that knew every dinosaur and type of mammal in grade 5 and wrote books was considered emotionally immature because she didn’t show interest in boys and wear makeup . WTH !
My daughter and I have learned from each other . As I learned from my father how to cope in a world that views us as weird . Even in our own family . It so helps if you have one person in your family like you , or one friend when you are young like you . There is stuff to learn from some self help books . Some of those authors are neurodivergent themselves . So for me it’s been about finding the right author or counsellor for that matter that gets YOU !
I think we do need to be tolerant of average Joe mentality because we can learn from them too . That’s not meant to be insulting just pragmatic . Often an average Joe or Jolene may be hiding inner talents and we can appeal to that . Feeling special is important to everyone . However they also do need to learn and be taught that they aren’t the only game in town . Tolerance is fundamental right now and unfortunately our world is not very tolerant at the moment . The average bullies are very vocal. We have to take it back and lead others like us and help others discover their hidden neurodivergence and gifts . I believe that we need skills to be able to function in society and communicate well because we have so much to offer society or others like us . However we also have to learn that we are amazing of our own right and find the appropriate boundaries to keep being able to do whatever it is that we do well and celebrate it ! That’s tough right now with the attacks on intellectuals , scientists , artists etc . Let’s stay strong together and help the world learn that neurodiversity is our saviour , not some manipulative narcissist .
Just my thoughts ♥️
Thank you, Scott! Genius idea.
Thank you for the perceptive article. As an HSP INFP, I like introvert self-help books for this reason—it's nice to see the introvert perspective being respresented in these books.
Imagine; humans who mostly accept, encourage and support differences (let’s hope our children are evolving in this direction). Thank you, I’m soothed reading this. What conditions would clear the way for new paths to emerge and be walked safely? A lot less prescriptive neurotypical boring protocols might be a great start - love ya thinking and appreciate you having courage to share. I’m left pondering the paradox of finding resonance, maybe safety in sameness in order to hold and be okay with difference.
James Kustow - how to thrive with ADHD is one doctor in the UK trying to help people with this. I agree though Scott your book was very vanilla ;) just kidding! 😁 I think it's a good idea and topic you are referring to here!
lol!!!
Check out Ludmila Paslova’s The Canary Code 📕?